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Ginger kid loves his ice cream

Posted by Pete Berg on Sunday, July 12th, 2009 at 8:08 am

Wait for it…


Category: Fail, Freaks, Kids & Babies, Morons, TV & Film, WTF	No Comments »

“I’m not here to make friends”

Posted by Pete Berg on Friday, July 10th, 2009 at 12:26 pm

Reality TV’s most overused line is “I’m not here to make friends.” If you don’t believe me, watch this:

And that’s just the 2009 video. Here’s the 2008 edition:


Category: Fail, Mashups, Morons, TV & Film, Unintentional Comedy	No Comments »

Florence Rasmussen

Posted by Pete Berg on Friday, July 10th, 2009 at 10:39 am

In 1979, documentary filmmaker Errol Morris produced his first film, Gates of Heaven, about a pet cemetery in California, and the strange characters that surounded it. It’s one of the most surreal and bizarre docs ever made, but also one of the most poignant and philosophical, exploring life and death, loneliness, and the like.

Halfway through the film, there is a five minute segment where an old lady in a doorway is interviewed. This is Florence Rasmussen, a crazy old coot, who goes on one of the craziest (and saddest) rambling monologues in film history. Errol Morris just lets the camera roll. Watch:

Here is the complete transcript:

“I’m raised on a farm, we had chickens and pigs and cows and sheep and everything. But down here I’ve been lost. Now they’ve taken them all away from here up to that – What’s the name of that place? Up above here a little ways? That town? Commences with a ‘B.’ Blue. It’s – Blue Hill Cemetery, I think the name of it is. Not too far, I guess, about maybe twenty miles from here. A little town there, a little place. You know where it’s at. But I was really surprised when I heard they were getting rid of the cemetery over here. Gonna put in buildings or something over there. Ah well, I know people been very good to me, you know. Well, they see my condition, I guess, must of felt sorry for me. But it’s real, my condition is. It’s not put on. That’s for sure! Boy, if I could only walk. If I could only get out. Drive my car. I’d get another car. Ya… and my son, if he was only better to me. After I bought him that car. He’s got a nice car. I bought it myself just a short time ago. I don’t know. These kids – the more you do for them… He’ s my grandson, but I raised him from two years old… I don’t see him very often. And he just got the car. I didn’t pay for all of it. I gave him four hundred dollars. Pretty good! His boss knows it. Well, he’s not working for that outfit now. He’s changed. He’s gone back on his old job – hauling sand. No, not hauling sand; he’s working in the office. That’s right. He took over the office job. His boss told me that on the phone. But, you know, he should help me more. He’s all I got. He’s the one who brought me up here. And then put me here by myself among strangers. It’s terrible, you stop and think of it. I’ve been without so much, when I first come up here. Ya. It’s what half of my trouble is from – him not being home with me. Didn’t cost him nothing to stay here. Every time he need money, he’d always come, ‘Mom, can I have this? Can I have that?’ But he never pays back. Too good, too easy – that’s what everybody tells me. I quit now. I quit. Now he’s got the office job, I’m going after him. I’m going after him good, too – if I have to go in… in a different way. He’s going to pay that money. He’s got the office job now. And he makes good money anyway. And he has no kids. He has not married. Never get married, he says. He was married once – they’re divorced. Well, she tried to take him for the kid, but she didn’t. They went to court. It was somebody else’s kid. She was nothing but a tramp in the first place. I told him that. He wouldn’t listen to me. I says, ‘I know what she is.’ I said, ‘Richard, please, listen to me.’ He wouldn’t listen. He knew all, he knew everything. Big shot! But he soon found out. Now that’s all over with. I’ve been through so much I don’t know how I’m staying alive. Really, for my age… if you’re young, it’s different. But I’ve always said I’m never going to grow old. I’ve always had that, and the people that I tell how old I am, they don’t believe me, because people my age as a rule don’t get around like I do.” — Florence Rasmussen


Category: Art, Awesome, Freaks, TV & Film, Vintage	1 Comment »

Don’t Copy That Floppy 2 Trailer

Posted by Pete Berg on Wednesday, July 8th, 2009 at 10:37 am

Anti-piracy hero MC Double Def DP will return in the summer of 2009 to drop some more knowledge on would-be pirates in the sequel to 1992’s “Don’t Copy That Floppy!

Here’s the original viral sensation, if you somehow missed it:


Category: Comedy, Memes, Trailers, TV & Film, Unintentional Comedy	No Comments »

The Simpsons Minus The Simpsons

Posted by Pete Berg on Tuesday, July 7th, 2009 at 11:49 am

Inspired by Garfield Minus Garfield, some guy went through all 1337 frames of the Simpsons opening…and removed the Simpsons. Pretty sweet:


Category: Animation, Geek, Mashups, TV & Film	No Comments »

Today we celebrate our Independence Day!

Posted by Pete Berg on Saturday, July 4th, 2009 at 10:12 am

Bill Pullman, you know what to do…

And let me say once again how happy I am that I am an American. (Compare some Independence Day speeches by some dirty, lily-livered, NON-AMERICAN foreigners…OH YEAH):


Category: Awesome, Inspirational, TV & Film, Unintentional Comedy	No Comments »

Russia’s Got Talent

Posted by Pete Berg on Saturday, July 4th, 2009 at 3:35 am

Wonder what Simon Cowell would say about this one.


Category: Comedy, Fail, TV & Film	No Comments »

Operation Repo: Just Beat It

Posted by Pete Berg on Thursday, July 2nd, 2009 at 9:31 am

The guys from Operation Repo repossess a DeLorean from a kid who is “stuck in the ’80s” and thinks he’s Michael Jackson. So many WTF moments in this clip.


Category: Freaks, TV & Film, Unintentional Comedy, WTF	No Comments »

What was that, Elmo?

Posted by Sean Brogan on Wednesday, July 1st, 2009 at 2:21 pm

…because I know you didn’t just say that…


Category: Creepy, Local TV, TV & Film	No Comments »

Robogeisha

Posted by Pete Berg on Wednesday, July 1st, 2009 at 9:18 am

Holy crap, this looks like the most ridiculously awesome movie of all time. I have to see this! “Fried shrimp!”??? (Thanks Matt D.!)


Category: Awesome, Japan, TV & Film, WTF	No Comments »

The profound link between Jesus and the breakfast pastry

Posted by Pete Berg on Monday, June 29th, 2009 at 10:39 am

“Life without Jesus is like a donut, because there’s a hole in the middle of your heart.”


Category: Fail, TV & Film, Unintentional Comedy, WTF	No Comments »

R.I.P. Billy Mays

Posted by Pete Berg on Sunday, June 28th, 2009 at 10:11 am

The greatest pitchman of all time (sorry Vince) was found dead in his home this morning. He was 50. Billy Mays was the star of one of my favorite new reality shows, Pitchmen, and a regular here on Pie Heaven. Enjoy this great pitch for Big City Sliders one last time…and check out some of the past Billy Mays videos that have appeared here in the past few months.

“And you thought Heaven was white BEFORE the cleaning power of OxiClean?” — Pie Heaven contributor Sean Brogan, on Twitter.


Category: Commercials, News / Politics, TV & Film	No Comments »

Kevin Smith joins protests of “Dogma”

Posted by Pete Berg on Sunday, June 28th, 2009 at 9:46 am

I’m not a huge fan of Kevin Smith’s movies (aside from Clerks), but I do think he is one of the coolest guys of all time. This video proves it.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.


Category: Awesome, Local TV, Pranks, Stunts, TV & Film	No Comments »

McDLT

Posted by Sean Brogan on Friday, June 26th, 2009 at 6:29 pm

Classic McDonald’s commercial who’s awesomeness transcends this caption. (Thanks Dave Reynolds!)


Category: Awesome, Commercials, TV & Film, Vintage	No Comments »

Jurassic Park dinos yelling hey

Posted by Harrison Flatau on Monday, June 22nd, 2009 at 9:28 am


Category: Awesome, Comedy, TV & Film	No Comments »

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